Yet Another Halloween
by Shai96
Summary: Few oneshots about characters and how do they feel in Halloween. Rated T just in case... First Fanfiction, please be kind and comment!
1. Agony

All Harry Potter characters and concepts belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me!

Yet Another Halloween – First Chapter – Agony. 

Yet another Halloween came, and he felt just the same as the one before.

The brown haired man sat in his chair by the table, looking ragged than usual. He gazed out of the window, seeing Hogwarts' towers, pitch black upon the darkening blues of the sky.

Remus clutched the bottle of Firewhisky in his hand, raised it to his dry lips and drank. Halloween should not have been a holiday at all. It should have been canceled… How could the world have gone round and round yet again? How could people have kept on in their daily life? He never could, not after that Halloween.

He perfectly remembered it, vivid like it was yesterday. He knew something was off when he went to sleep that night, Halloween, twelve years ago. Something was wrong, evil crept all around that night… And worse, he could remember the morning after.

_A loud knocking sound came from the wooden door of the small apartment. Remus, who hardly slept that night, woke up to it. He got himself up off the couch, and looked at himself. He was wearing yesterday's clothes, which were now all wrinkled. He could not remove the bad feeling that was hurting his heart…_

_"Come in," he called towards the door, picking up his wand from the floor and shoving it into his belt. The door opened gently, and in the door stood no other that Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts' headmaster. The unannounced and unexpected visit brought Remus to his legs. He came to greet the old man, but he stopped himself from doing so – he had never seen him with such a face that he could not comprehend. The headmaster's face gave nothing but agony and sadness._

_"Sir?" that was the only thing that Remus could bring himself to say. Something has clearly happened. "Remus… I bring bad news."_

Remus allowed himself to learn these memories, again yet another year. He could remember the pain, the damned pain in which he felt when the old man spoken his words, told him what happened. And then denial, controlling him, washing all his soul, telling him desperately that the man was lying, he has gone mad, it could not have happened.

And then, acceptance. Sirius – no, Black – has betrayed them. James, Lily and Peter – were all dead. Nothing, nothing explained it then, and nothing ever could. Sirius of all people… And it hurt the most.

And year again, in Halloween, Remus' heart filled with hatred and agony. And even here, in Hogwarts, where everything and everyone were safe, Remus was not, terrified and agonized. And the only thing that could remind him of hope was the young black-haired and green-eyed boy that has already been sleeping somewhere in the quiet castle. Harry had survived, and for now Remus – who was gulping down his Firewhisky – would do his best to keep it that way, yet for another Halloween.


	2. Guilt

All Harry Potter characters and concepts belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me!

Yet Another Halloween – Second Chapter – Guilt.

Yet another Halloween came, and he felt just the same as the one before.

He crawled back to his dungeons, walking like a bat, a large, black and depressing silhouette. The man reached a dark wooden door in the middle of the grey stones on the wall, only seen because of a small torch that was hung on the wall, which lit the dark dungeon with its warm fire. He pushed open the door to his office.

All over the walls, on shelves were jars full of sorts of potions and mixtures of disgusting things, that fascinated him only. He closed the door behind him and locked it, staying in total darkness.

"Muffliato," he murmured in a low tone, pointing his wand at the door. No one can hear him now – no one will see him in his weakest, most vulnerable moments, even though it was unlikely – every single person in the castle of Hogwarts has gone to sleep after the Halloween feast, and there was no one on these dark halls to hear him.

Severus crushed down to his chair, breathing heavily. Yet another Halloween came, and the guilt which he felt has never left him – following him every day, every month, every year once again, sticking to him like a Boggart to a dark closet or a Dementor to an excited soul. It was entirely his fault, no one else's, and that was a horrifying fact. He could not blame it upon anyone else, which could have been a great pleasure, or rather a comfort, to him – but he was entirely at fault, and the guilt crushed him from the inside.

The weak man slid down from his chair to the cold office floor. He did not bother to straighten up; what difference would it make? She was dead, and it was entirely his fault.

Lily's blazing, brilliant green eyes flashed in his memory, setting the stage to remember her beautiful smiling face and her red hair, as enchanting and intoxicating as deadly fire. She was all for him, ever since the moment he had seen her in that public playground, and up until now – but it didn't change the fact that he killed her, no, rather murdered her to benefit his so-called Dark Lord.

"Expecto Patronum," he mumbled yet again, just like last year, in Halloween – and the silver doe has come to him, giving him both comfort and once again, guilt.

"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry, Lily…" the poor man said, looking at the beautiful doe for an answer, which he knew that will never come – it was a Patronus, nothing else.

Tears began running down his black, tunnel-like eyes, and then again he whispered, "Lily, forgive me…"

The man cried and apologized until he lost his voice, until he fell asleep on the cold floor, until the assuring silver doe vanished into the air, leaving him with nothing but cold and bitter guilt, which will stay just the same, yet for another Halloween.


	3. Hate

All Harry Potter characters and concepts belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me!

Yet Another Halloween – Third Chapter – Hate.

Yet another Halloween came, and he felt just the same as the one before.

He was crawling at the corner of his dirty cell, hugging himself to keep his warmth, to stay sane. His overly-long black hair was sweeping the floor dust as he was sitting, withdrawing into himself – the only thing he has left there.

How much longer will this torture take? When will he finally be able to take his revenge? Sirius's mind flew with questions of which he had thought of thousands of times already in this closed cell. He was so lonely, nothing could change it.

"Give them back," he hissed to no-one's ears, as for no one heard him. The only company he had was the bloody creepy Dementors, setting despair in his poor soul, "protecting", so to speak, the closed area of Azkaban prison. And yet, sometimes he did get to see some people – every once in a while someone from the ministry would come to check that everything is okay, giving Sirius, the condemned criminal some newspaper to read and some cryptic crossword games to pass the time. Sirius was, in fact, blessed with such a visit three days ago. The paper that the minister bloke gave him was laid on the dirty floor in front of the dog-like man, and his once-beautiful eyes were staring at it, his mind working and calculating dates. Today was Halloween.

Sirius could remember that one Halloween, in which his life were torn apart and stepped on by that lousy, disgusting brat, Peter Pettigrew. Hatred towards that damned, devious rat had raised once again – that pitiful murderer…

The prisoner slammed his hand at the cell's stone wall, but no one heard it. He hated Wormtail, hated his very existence, his sight, his voice. It was him, that so-called "best friend" of James and Lily, that should have died, just like James and Lily would have done for him, to save him – but he betrayed, just like that, to gain honor from the biggest bully, to be seen as an important Death Eater, to gain respect.

Sirius's shallow, bark-like laugh broke the silence of the closed area. Wormtail was so close to gain his respect, and yet Voldemort has lost, ruining Peter's plans. He may have murdered James and Lily, but Harry – oh, that cute little boy that remained in Sirius's memory, flying on the little broomstick, completely joyful – was alive, and Voldemort lost, vanished, evaporated to air. Harry was alive. Totally, amazingly, impossibly alive.

The man laughed, and laughed, until his laughter turned to tears. How much could he suffer not seeing his cute godson, the only remaining memory that will show that James and Lily have once existed? He kept on crying into the night, just like last Halloween, knowing that the hatred and pain will stay, yet for another Halloween.


	4. Disbelief

All Harry Potter characters and concepts belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me!

Yet Another Halloween – Fourth Chapter – Disbelief.

Yet another Halloween came, and he felt just the same as the one before.

He was zigzagging through the lawns of Hogwarts, holding a bottle full of mead, singing like a mad man. Reaching the undergrowth of the Forbidden Forest, he pushed the door to his small shack powerfully, almost breaking it. He walked in, closed the wooden door behind him and slammed the bottle onto the table, shaking it. A huge dog lifted his head from the large, ragged bed and when seeing his owner, put it down to his front legs and closed his eyes.

Hagrid has done it again, just like last Halloween: gotten all drunk, and he'll probably become sober only tomorrow noon, after a long sleep. But, being under the control of the alcohol, he sat down on his chair – which almost got snapped by the weight of the half-giant – and began singing, between hiccup to hiccup, about Odo the hero's sad life and death. Death…

The big man suddenly remembered it, a memory he pushed to the far ends of his mind – Lily and James's dead bodies, lying on the floor, motionless, lifeless... He remembered it all too clearly, and even the burning drink that stung his throat could not hide it away from his drunk self. If only they had lived… maybe Harry would have had a better life, like he should have had… He could not believe it, there was no possible reasoning for this – Lily and James, dead?

Disbelief shattered him. He was drunk, completely drunk – he will wake up tomorrow, to the sound of chirping birds, and a knock on his window will reveal an owl holding a letter for him from Lily, telling him about James's jokes of the neighbors and little Harry's stunts that make the cat run the other way around, hissing…

Tears running down his eyes, Hagrid was singing and hiccupping to himself, as Fang was asleep and could not hear… And finally, he lifted the bottle up the table to his mouth and drank, gulping down the mead left in it. The bottle slipped from his hand as he fell asleep, dreaming of better tomorrows and yesterdays, of Lily and James, and of course of little Harry – which was now sleeping nicely and neatly in the Gryffindor Tower… He sunk in this wishful slumber, in which he disbelieved bad things could happen, just like last year, and yet for another Halloween.


	5. Yet Another Halloween

All Harry Potter characters and concepts belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me!

Yet Another Halloween – Fifth Chapter – Yet Another Halloween.

Yet another Halloween came, and he felt just the same as the one before.

Or so he thought at the beginning. He was wise, nothing less, but he could not expect this. He had many thoughts of how it might have happened, but they were guesses only – for now, at least.

His steps were the only noise left in the dark street. He stopped and turned back, only to see the cat disappear into the shadows while he took out of his pocket his Deluminator and clicked it, bringing back the lights to the street.

Lily and James Potter died – and the reasoning, so wrong… He would admit to himself that he felt a little ashamed and guilty for not putting on better security, better guard on them – maybe, just maybe, they would have been alive today too…

Harry survived though. This thought made the old man feel wide awake, although the late hour. Harry, a baby about a year old, managed to make the most evil wizard of all times disappear completely, leaving nothing behind. All day long, since he heard the news, he could not stop thinking about it – how? What had the boy done?

Poor Lily and James… they will never get to grow their beloved child, he will have to withstand these aunt and uncle who will surely be disgusted of him and his magic, unable to understand why his parents are not the ones there for him instead… What a way to live – but that is only for the short time of eleven years… only eleven years… At least that's what he told himself to keep his conscious clean.

Giving Private Drive no. 4 a last glimpse, he could only wait until the answer will come to him, not now, but surely one day... "Good luck, Harry," he mumbled to no one, disapperating with the flicker of his cloak. The last Halloween hadn't been any interesting, but this time change has come – it won't be the same next year, and so forth, yet **not** for another Halloween.


End file.
